A Lesson in Boobology

...Sorry to the guys... it's probably not what you thought it would be, but here's a little something just for you first:

OOPS!!! Wrong picture...

There ya go....

That's the best I could do from my work computer on this subject! (and yes, I'm at lunch :-P)

Anyway, while most people are spending time these days on vacations of one kind or another, *I* am finding myself totally glued to work, and not being able to take any time off at all right now because it's soooo ridiculously short staffed -- and one cross training on another floor, and one out for double knee surgery until September -- there's no way to be off right now unless you're sick!

Hmmmm....

Well, I'm not sick....

But I CAN get an afternoon off by going to my annual, fun-filled, always a smashing time guaranteed -- Mammogram... yeah, that sounds like fun! Well, it IS time for one.

In honor of this monumentally pressing event, this is the Mammography Poem -- A Lesson in Boobology:

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them,
And give them monthly tests.

So, I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore a bra.

After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram,
Okay, I said, let's do it.

Stand up here real close, she said,
She got my boob in line,
And tell me when it hurts, she said,
Ah yes! Right there, that's fine.

She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooters in a vise!!

My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish pancake thin!

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's vise-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

Take a deep breath, she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is smashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.

There, that's good, I heard her say,
The room was slowly swaying.
Now, let's have a go at the other one.
Have mercy I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.

Next time they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steamrolled.

If I had no problems when I came in,
I sure have one now!
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out!!

I think I'll be putting in a request EARLY for a vacation next summer....I can definitely think of better things to do with even an afternoon off from work ...I'm just Sayin... ;)