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When you don't know what you're talking about, it's hard to know when you're finished...

Friday, August 28, 2009

Squishy Feet Squishy Feet

I'll be keeping it a bit short today since I'm still having computer trouble...but don't worry, it's NOT contagious, just a little coughing and sneezing in my hard drive...

Anyway, it's FEET day over at Humor Bloggers Dot Com. You can find all kinds of funny posts today over there all about feet!

It's been a rainy week over here in hometown, USA. I knew we were expecting rain Wednesday and Thursday, so since there is a bit of a walk from where the cars are parked and where you enter the building where I work, I wore the appropriate shoes for the occasion. However, today I did not KNOW we were once again expecting the rain. Just shoot me now... I wore those kind of summer shoes that you wear without socks, and they are chock-full of holes... kinda like these:

The last time I got caught in the rain with these shoes on, they got so wet that it became a health hazard. Several times I literally just about fell off my shoes. They were so wet and squishy, it was like a skating rink inside my shoes... and here we go again!

I'm thinking, though, that instead of trying to explain how I got the broken hip by falling off of the inside skating rink of my shoes... (yeah, they'd believe that one), that I'm going to just take the shoes off. Yep... walk downtown in bare feet -- YIKES! So, now I've got a totally different health hazard to worry about...

Street cruddy feet...yuckity yuck!! Guess I'll have to spend the evening or tomorrow getting my feet did... ya know how ya go to those places and they have you put your feet in these little ponds and the little fishies take all the icky stuff off...

After that, I think I'll invest in one of those Ped Eggs. You've heard about those, haven't you? A friend of mine works with a woman who loves her Ped Egg so much, she -- get this -- uses it at her desk!!!! YOW... I'd like to think they've put a stop to THAT hygiene fail... I won't be trying to use it at work, but it might be good to get a little home-spa-thing going...

Happy Feet Day!!

Friday, August 21, 2009

FYI: Where am I?

Sorry y'all... computer trouble... workin on it... Hoping to be back SOON! I WILL be back...

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Wake Up!! Not Today...

I don't know about you, but some days I have a really hard time waking the f*** up!!

Namely, Mondays for starters. I mean, REALLY! It's just inhumane to expect people (especially night owls like me) to jump right outta bed on a Monday morning. Mondays should be the day to eeeeeaase into the morning. Maybe knock the first hour off from the start of the work day.... then maybe provide a little breakfast buffet with caffeine as an incentive.

THEN there's Tuesday!! Now there's another day I'm not motivated to wake up to. It's just another Monday hiding behind a different name.

Usually by Wednesday, it begins to get a little easier -- but just a little.

Thursdays aren't too bad.... but Fridays are no problem at all. In fact, it's FINALLY the beginning of the weekend... which is the purpose for my existance on this earth.

Anyway, all that to say that I regularly have trouble staying awake at work, especially on the most difficult mornings. My work place offers no incentives whatsoever for being there ... on time... on these horrible days....

Well, except for the paycheck... but that's another story...

Since I fall asleep at my desk every now and again, I am sharing my top five excuses for what to say when you're caught sleeping at your desk. So far, they've worked for me (whew!)
  • 5) They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen...

  • 4) This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time-management course you sent me to...

  • 3) Whew! Guess I left the top off the white-out...you probably got here just in time!

  • 2) Did you ever notice the sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear down real close?

    And the number one best thing to say when getting caught napping is:
  • 1) ...in Jesus' name, Amen...

You're welcome... ;)

Friday, August 14, 2009

I Won! - TAG - You Might Be Next

That's right...

I actually won something!! woo hoo

Thanks to my BFF blogger buddy Phillipia over at Writes Phillipia!

What did I win, you ask?

Okay... ready or not

............ta daaaa.............

"Premiere Meme Award!

Yep...I know you're jealous. I get to decorate my blog with this award if I first fulfill the responsibility passed on to me... (work, work, work...it never ends) which is:

I have to tell 7 little or unknown innermost secrets about myself first... (wow, do I have any?)


Pass the torch on to 7 fellow bloggers who I like to read...

Soooooooo without further adieu, heeeeere's me:
  1. A fellow blogger over at ThinkinFyou asked about nicknames. My most used nickname is Deuce, given to me by my (now) ex-husband (we're still good friends, so it's okay to mention him)... Anyway, the name Deuce has suffered many morphs, such as Dooz, Doozdy, Doo-ez, etc. But the origin is not known by many.... until now...

    When we first began dating way back in the dark ages, a co-worker of his kept pumping him for information about me. Being a big guy himself, he didn't think what I looked like was any of this guy's business...but he kept asking him, "Does she weigh the deuce? Does she, does she?" Finally, he admitted, "Yeeaaahh, she weighs the deuce." It stuck. And that, my friends, is how I became known as Deuce.

  2. I was extremely shy and introverted in grade school, but I've pretty much outgrown that these days...mostly replaced by sass and sarchasm.

  3. I am a night owl. I come from a long line of night owls... okay maybe not a long line, but my mom was definitely one for sure... and so am I. It isn't that I want to be one, 'cause I gotta tell ya... every morning is a unique adventure into self motivational mental wake-the f***-up gymnastics.

  4. I love spicy hot foods. Not burn-your-mouth-'til-it-melts-off-your-face hot... but just right hot. One of my favs is hot, spicy chili mac...made the old "Chili Parlor" way, with spaghetti noodles, beans, onions, cheese, and just the right recipe of hot chili sauce. Mmmmmm!

  5. My first job was at a Kewpee's fast food restaurant. I was an assistant manager there after a few months, and kept working there as a second job (until it closed) after I got my "real" job at Divorce Court. (yes, I've heard it all...and then some). I have worked there now for 24½ years... and believe me, I am counting the hours and minutes until I hit 30 years and can finally retire. (yes, it's been an exhausting haul)

  6. I guess it's no secret that I am a grandma. I have one adult son, and three absolutely adorable (when they're sleeping) grandkids. I love them with all of my heart. Yes, they will be heir to my (non)fortune when I'm gone...which will probably be my broken down van and this blog.

  7. And last but not least... I have NOT had an actual vacation in about 25 years. To me, a vacation would consist of actually leaving home and going to another destination for more than one or two days. The ex and I did do the occasional one night get away, but because of work or the lack of spendage, that was about the extent of it. So, if I can't win the lottery and travel my way through retirement (some day), I would like to go on an honest-to-goodness vacation while I'm still on this earth.

WHEW... that was some hard work (wiping sweat off the brow)

Now... on to the next and funnest part (is funnest an actual word?)

A chance for some better deserving bloggers to win this awesome award. These are some of the blogs I read regularly, and they are really funny... If you haven't yet, go check 'em out... then go back and see if they take up the passed torch and tell the world their dirty little secrets...

Nooter the Dog: He's always up to something. If he isn't chasing squirrels, napping, or blogging, you can be sure "the human" he lives with is bound to come home to yet another adventure.

ThinkinFyou: This lady doesn't hold anything back... and at the same time, she remains a lady. She was our super cool Summer Blogger Camp Director Extraordinaire!

Nonamedufus: Go hang out a while over at this guy's blog...you won't regret it for sure! While you're there, join in on one of his caption contests.

Ettarose: Check out Sanity on Edge over at Ettarose's blog. She's hosting the Guess The Blogger Baby Contest (which I've entered). Take a peek and see if you can guess which one is me, and while you're there, she also has some caption contests.

Waltsense: If you go now over to WaltSense Journal, you can read about a bunch of things we couldn't live without brought on by Cuba's toilet paper shortage... This guy has some really hilarious stories to tell...

Amy Oops!: Ya gotta go visit Navy vet, Amy Oops!... where funny is a four letter word - Oops! She finds the best stuff out there...

Beyond Left Field: Finally, you'll be glad to detoured Beyond Left Field with Red Raider, where he expounds on his Salute To Morons... It's good stuff!

Okay fellow bloggers and bloggerettes, show us what ya got..... GO!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Today's Mini Rant: Beggers

The city I live in is often referred to around here as a "small big city." It's big enough with plenty of city-type advantages without being huge, I guess. Like most bigger cities, we have our share of needy folks. There are shelters, soup kitchens, churches who provide dinners, food baskets, and low-cost food for people in need...along with the other usual entities. My experience has been that most people who really need these services are humble folks and appreciate the help they are getting.

Which brings me to people I've run into over and over in and around the downtown area who approach people walking or in your car asking for money handouts...and in my personal experience, these people usually want the money for alcohol or drugs, no matter what they tell you.

They usually come equipped with a made-up sob story meant to make you feel sorry for them or that they are having an unexpected emergency, like their car broke down two blocks from there and they need money to buy gas.

Yes, I have been suckered many times...knowing full well that they are full of baloney, but that maybe they needed that buck or two more than I did.

However, I like many, have been hit hard by this unbelievable economy, and now days even one dollar has a use in my every day life.

Today must've been the day for beggers though. On my way to work this morning, as I was sitting at a red light at an intersection waiting to turn left, I was approached by a woman at my window. Mind you, I'm in the middle of the street and there was about to be oncoming traffic.

This woman approaches my window tearfully, with a little blood on her lip (truthfully, it looked like she bit it), but she says she's been in a horrible fight with her husband and she needs whatever help I can give her...and she proceeds to kneel on the ground -- in the middle of the street -- begging and pleading with me to give her money.


I yell at her to get up off the ground because she's about to get hit by oncoming traffic... hell, I don't want to be responsible for this woman getting run over next to my car. Anyway, I dig out a couple of dollars and wish her good luck. (shaking my head)

Anyway, I go out for lunch today...which I almost never do anymore because I can't afford to spend the money... but today I did. I pull into a place close to the downtown area and was waiting in the drive-thru line. I am again approached at my window. Different woman, but asking for money. Was she trying to tell me a sad story? No. Did she say she needed it for food? No. She had a definite attitude, practically yelling at me to give her some money.

HELL NO... I got suckered already once today, and I don't have any to spare now anyways... and who wants to "help" someone who has an obvious attitude...

So, she gives me a nasty face, and approaches the car in front of me. That person hands over to her some dollar bills... it was at least $2 and maybe more.

This woman turns around...walks back past my vehicle, waving her newly obtained reward... and snaps her fingers at me yelling, "NOW, wasn't that easy?"

...blink blink...

I could NOT BELIEVE it. I'm thinking...yeah, that sure was easy for YOU!! *I* on the other hand, have to work all day to earn MY money!!

The impossible nerve of some people.

Just wow.... still shaking my head...

Monday, August 10, 2009

Oh Baby, Baby!!

It's Baby day today at our fellow Humor Blogger, Ettarose's place, Sanity On Edge with a Guess the Blogger Baby Contest. Go on over and see if you can figure out who is who...or which one is me.

Just a little ditty in honor of baby contest day:

A married couple rushed to the hospital because the woman was in labor. The doctor asked the couple, "I have invented a new machine that you might want to try, it takes some of the labor pains away from the mother and gives it to the father."

The maried couple decided that they would try this, so the doctor hooked the machine up and put it on 10% of pain switched from the mother to the father. The husband said, "I feel okay, turn it up a lot more," so the doctor turned it up to 50%. The husband said, "why don't you just put it all on me because I'm not feeling a thing." The doctor warned them that "this much pain could kill y ou if you're not prepared." The husband replied, "I'm ready." So the doctor turned the machine up to 100%. Still the husband did not feel a thing. So, they went home happy with a pain free labor. When they got home, the mailman was dead on the front porch!

Of course, nothing like that ever happened with any of "us"... ;)

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Is It A Dog-Eat-Dog World?

They say it's a dog-eat-dog world...

But is it really?

I've never seen dogs eating other dogs.

But what I DID see today was quite disturbing!

What, you ask?


Yeah, that's disturbing alright...

...but I meant this kind:

Yep, it's happened folks... some numb-nut threw their uneaten leftover chicken out onto the ground... and the FIRST ones to claim the feast -- were other birds!

We now live in a day when birds eat birds...

You'd expect that from the lot rats:

But NOT from these little fellas:


But it's true...

And it was quite a feeding frenzy I gotta tell ya...

...looked a lot like this:

Isn't this cannibalism on some level?

...I'm Just Sayin... ;)