About Me

My photo
When you don't know what you're talking about, it's hard to know when you're finished...

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Campfire Story: Mr. Stumpy

This is summer camp week over at Humor Bloggers dot com (of which I am a proud member), along with our Camp Director Extraordinaire, ThinkinFyou...and today is Scary Campfire Story Day!! Even though I didn't originally sign up to participate, I was inspired...

I'll never forget 5th grade camp...and one campfire story in particular...

We all gathered around the fire, excited to hear a fun story.

It was a dark and sto... SPAZ? Why are you interrupting my story? Don't worry, he's just jealous because I can deliver that line without interruption...

Anyway... It was a dark and stormy night. It was so quiet you could hear the night creatures scampering through the woods, the bats flying overheard, and the night owls who-who-whoing...altogether too close by. (shiver)

Yonder was an upcoming storm. You could hear the far away thunder as it was approaching overhead, and could see the lightning crackle throughout the skyline in the distance. (Oh, I hate storms...)

The legend of ole Mr. Stumpy was told for our entertainment. (Oh shit, there's a Mr. Stumpy?) He died right here in these woods one night...whose estranged brother, whose wife he stole for himself, chopped his leg off with a firewood axe during a confrontation they had one day and beat him to death with the bloody stump. (holy shit)

Countless thousands of towns folk have heard Mr. Stumpy right here in these very woods. (eyes wide)

As well as passersby who didn't even know about Mr. Stumpy. While happily setting up camp, they heard what sounded like moaning and groaning coming from the woods... sounded like crawling...and dragging noises. That would be Mr. Stumpy pulling himself through the woods dragging his bloody stump behind him... (blink)... looking for someone to bludgeon to death with it...like what happened to him... (frozen silence)

Hear tell... If Mr. Stumpy hears anyone talking about him...he will wake from his death slumber (again, holy shit)...and cause him to seek you out and not stop until he finds you.

-- Well, right about now, the lights go out over at the main camp house --

and

-- Loud groans and scuffling noises begin coming towards us from in the woods! --

HOLY FUCK SHIT!! (Thanks Moooooog) I'm not sticking around here!!
Now you see 50-some 5th grade kids screaming and running in every direction. Some went to their cabin and locked the doors...locking out others who were pounding on doors, screaming, and crying. Some actually ran INTO (yes, I said INTO) said woods. They might have been special ed, I'm not sure. One even ran dead into a tree and knocked himself out.

Ahhhhh
, the memories of 5th grade scary campfire stories. Needless to say, the camp counselors that year had a LOT to answer for.

18 comments:

thinkinfyou said...

Thanks! Now I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight!!
Great story!!

CatLadyLarew said...

For years I gave my parents a hard time about not letting me go to sleep-away camp. Now I'm thinking it was probably a good thing they didn't let me go.

Winky Twinky said...

ThinkinFyou: You're welcome ;)

CatLady: Parents know best... although it was a lot of fun.

Nooter said...

ha ha! wooooo! yeah, like that could really happen.

um, can i sleep next to your bed tonight? not for any particular reason or anything

Winky Twinky said...

Nooter: I know right? ... until I heard it myself...

Yes, please, sleep right next to the bed, where you can...I mean, where I can protect you ;)

Wayne said...

I like the the little blue guys cool

Winky Twinky said...

Wayne: Thanks, we were all feeling a little blue-ish after that scare...

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the story, it brought back great memories of my youth. Tim

Winky Twinky said...

Tim: You must've gone to the same camp I did...

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

It's really not funny to make fun of amputees. I lost my leg in '67 in Vietnam, when me and the boys in my platoon were fighting our way out of the jungle and got ambushed by a band of VietCong. I took a sharpened chopstick right in the gam, and it got the infectious jungle rot and had to be removed.

No! Just kidding! Haha!

The real truth is, I got drunk one night after my bachelor party and passed out on the railroad tracks behind the strip club. When my fiance saw the damage, she left me, breaking my heart. Depressed, I hung myself from the railroad trestle. Now my haunted soul wanders blog sites, posting strange comments that seem more creepy than funny, really.

Winky Twinky said...

Hehe.. creepy, funny...sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. Thanks for stopping by. ;)

Body said...

Just visiting....keep in touch :)

Skye said...

Now that's a story to tell my kids next time we go camping! Well it won't bother them, and I can see I'd have to create an actual ending for it, but it could be fun anyway :D

Winky Twinky said...

Skye: Happy Camping...let me know what ending you come up with! ;)

Phillipia said...

I never did the overnight camp thing...but have heard and told a few scary stories in my time...
great post:)

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Eeeeeeeek!
*runs into (YES, INTO!) woods*

Tricia said...

You humans are so naive, this story is not real. Mr. Stumpy would make a cool friend if it was though.

Tigger

Winky Twinky said...

Wow Tigger...you're showing your sinister side again...