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When you don't know what you're talking about, it's hard to know when you're finished...

Monday, July 13, 2009

A Lesson in Boobology

...Sorry to the guys... it's probably not what you thought it would be, but here's a little something just for you first:

OOPS!!! Wrong picture...

There ya go....

That's the best I could do from my work computer on this subject! (and yes, I'm at lunch :-P)

Anyway, while most people are spending time these days on vacations of one kind or another, *I* am finding myself totally glued to work, and not being able to take any time off at all right now because it's soooo ridiculously short staffed -- and one cross training on another floor, and one out for double knee surgery until September -- there's no way to be off right now unless you're sick!


Well, I'm not sick....

But I CAN get an afternoon off by going to my annual, fun-filled, always a smashing time guaranteed -- Mammogram... yeah, that sounds like fun! Well, it IS time for one.

In honor of this monumentally pressing event, this is the Mammography Poem -- A Lesson in Boobology:

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them,
And give them monthly tests.

So, I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore a bra.

After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram,
Okay, I said, let's do it.

Stand up here real close, she said,
She got my boob in line,
And tell me when it hurts, she said,
Ah yes! Right there, that's fine.

She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooters in a vise!!

My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish pancake thin!

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's vise-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

Take a deep breath, she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is smashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.

There, that's good, I heard her say,
The room was slowly swaying.
Now, let's have a go at the other one.
Have mercy I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.

Next time they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steamrolled.

If I had no problems when I came in,
I sure have one now!
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out!!

I think I'll be putting in a request EARLY for a vacation next summer....I can definitely think of better things to do with even an afternoon off from work ...I'm just Sayin... ;)


Anonymous said...

LOL! I love the poem...even though my breasts hurt now!!

wayne said...

hello cool

CatLadyLarew said...

Your poem about smooshed hooters is a real hoot! I couldn't have put it better myself. Just another one of those indignities of aging. Wait til you get to the colonoscopy stage.

Winky Twinky said...

ThinkinFyou: I know...just thinking about it is uncomfortable...

Wayne: Yep...that's why I wear my cool sunglasses ;)

CatLady: Thanks... and I've done that already also... I have a little something on colonoscopies I'll post at another time.

Mike said...

mmmm boooobs.

Sorry was distracted by boobs

Winky Twinky said...

I know... guys DO love boobies!! I tried to provide a bit of a pic for the guys... Okay, snap out of the boobie trance Mike!!

Nooter said...

what are boobs?

Winky Twinky said...

I suppose being a dog, you wouldn't have the same appreciation for them as the male humans do. I'd just say you might kinda-sorta compare it to your most favorite snak! ;)

VE said...

You had me at boobology...

Ana-Maria said...

Nice photography cat.

Winky Twinky said...

VE: Yes, that does seem to be a magical word in all of it's forms to get the guys' attention... ;)Thanks for stopping by!

Ana-Maria: Why, thank you...

Phillipia said...

Love the poem - especially the final verse:)

Anonymous said...

Hello. Cool! Tim from Toledo

Winky Twinky said...

Phillipia: hehe

Anonymous Tim: ROFLMAO!! Thanks, needed the laugh!

ettarose said...

Too funny. I was in charge of getting the ladies where I worked to sign up for a mammogram yearly. I always told them it did not hurt cuz you know if they knew how it really feels they would not have done it. I would like to post that poem right above the machine itself. Give em something funny to read to take their mind off the flat titties.

Anonymous said...

Owwww!! As a man, that last paragraph, DOUBLE OWWWW!! I am sorry the boobie machine hurts so much! Those with boobies UNITE! Lets think of a better machine! I have man boobs and would never want them smooshed!

Winky Twinky said...

Ettarose: That's a great idea!! It would probably make you laugh, though, and make you move and ruin the picture... but there should be someplace in that office where it could lighten the mood.

Anonymous: LOL @ those with boobies unite!!

Organic Meatbag said...

Oh those boobies...how do you ladies deal with them? Hehehehe...

Mammogram Breastfeeding said...

Lol.. Love the name of the poem.. The poem.. And everything about the poem :D