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When you don't know what you're talking about, it's hard to know when you're finished...

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Live Long and Prosper


No, this isn't about Star Trek (sorry Trekkies).... These days time goes so quickly, that days all blend together and there's hardly enough time to sleep much less do ANYthing useful... and WHEN did those kids get that age???


Here are some ways to help make your life longer....or seem longer...


1) Marry someone you can't stand. People who've spent 15 years with someone who never stops irritating them will tell you....it feels like 30 years!


2) Work in the most tedious job you can find....not that there's much going on out there right now....but I'm Just Sayin....


3) Adopt mind-numbingly boring hobbies. You'll find that running an ant farm, collecting acorns, or hunting for four-leaf clovers will make your leisure time seem almost limitless.


4) Watch artsy foreign films or documentaries about the sleeping habits of hybernating bears instead of exciting Hollywood movies.


5) Read technical manuals and books about ancient history instead of novels. It's helpful if you read the same book over and over....just avoid any gratuitous sex scenes, 'cause we all know technical manuals have plenty of those...


6) Stare blankly at a wall. When you're not engaged in your chosen hobby, use your spare time to spruce up your life span with that simple exercise... You'll feel like you've added several hours to your day!


7) Avoid intense sporting events, such as football, basketball, or baseball. Instead, attend competitions such as the shuffleboard championships or the chess tournament at the local senior center.


8) Whatever you do, watch absolutely NO television unless it's public television or donation campaigns....and by this time, even THAT will feel like entertainment!!


If even one person gained some time from this..... then glad I could help!! Yeah....I'm handy like that.... :-D

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

That first one just cracked me up. Sooooooo funny!

Winky Twinky said...

Thanks Kris.... Actually, I was thinking of you with that first one...

Phillipia said...

Worse (or better) than reading technical manuals is writing them. And yes, you can thank me for the occasional hot sexy geeks gone wild paragraphs - but funny that you are the first to mention them....

Winky Twinky said...

OMG....at the risk of being totally redundant... YOU were the inspiration for the technical manuals..lol.... btw, thanks for the sexy geek thing... I owe you one... ;)

Shawn said...

Hey, I loved Bearsleep! The four hours slipped by like a flash.

Winky Twinky said...

LololOLOLLLLzzz.... I know it did... The question is..WHEN do you get time to DO that???? Hey, I tried it, but... damn job.....

Tim Higgins said...

WT,

My gut feeling (and I have a significant gut to feel with) is that you just stop worrying about duration, remembering ...

"Having given up everything that I enjoyed doing in an effort to live longer, I have now discovered that I no longer wish to."

Winky Twinky said...

Actually, I couldn't agree with you more, Tim... might as well surround yourself with as much of the pleasant things in life while we're here...

Marissa said...

I think I've only seen one artsy foreign film (and that was enough). At the end of the movie, I was like, "Huh? I don't get it!"

But then I realized I slept through the whole thing.

Winky Twinky said...

I tried that a couple of times too. I didn't go to sleep, but one bored me almost to tears, and the other one pissed me off... needless to say, I didn't stick around until the end of either.