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When you don't know what you're talking about, it's hard to know when you're finished...

Monday, June 1, 2009

.....And Baby Makes...4? No....Perfection!

There was a baby shower this weekend, and my enquiring mind BEGS the question:

How do you tell your kid that you're expecting a new baby? Here's ONE way...

Hey, little man, get up out of bed
And wipe all the sleep from those eyes
I know that it's late
But we just couldn't wait
To tell you our big, new surprise

Remember that night about three months ago
When you walked into mom and dad's room?
And then how we talked about the birds and the bees
And arousal and climax and wombs...

Well, six months from now, you'll be a big brother!
That's right little tiger, it's true!
Mommy and daddy are making a better version of you...

It might be a boy
Just like his older brother,
But without the flaws holding you down
Or if we're really lucky,
We could have a girl
Like we wanted the first time around!

Maybe this new person won't wet the bed
And bug us for candy and toys
I'll bet the new "you" will shut up when we tell him
And not make so much fucking noise!!!

Thanks to the five years
We've had you to practice on
Now we know what NOT to do
Mommy and daddy are making a better version of you...

Can you imagine the things he'll achieve
As a doctor, or lawyer, or Indian Chief?
He'll be an astronaut, or bring world peace.
He'll win the World Series, or cure all disease.
He will be handsome, and very popular
He will be wealthy, and very important indeed.
He will be famous, special, and have no needs.
And you... get to watch!!

It's a lot for a little boy to take in
But we know that you're brave and you're tough
So we ask that you give to him all of your love
...And your bedroom, and all of your stuff!!

It's not a replacement; it's more like an "upgrade"
It's our little man... Version 2
Mommy and daddy are making...
The buns in the oven and baking...
Mommy and Daddy are making...a better version of you!!

Why are you crying?

Thanks to Paul and storm


Shawn said...

I remember when my mom told me that my second brother was on the way. I was 8 at the time and just said..."Isn't that enough?"

Anonymous said...

That's not nice. Spoken from an only child.


Phillipia said...

I thought I learned a lot of what not to do by the time I got to #3; but #3 turned out to be a whole different kind of kid:)

They are all special in their own way...

Winky Twinky said...

Shawn: You were funny back then!

Kris: I never said I was nice ;)

Phillipia: Yep, just when you think you have it figured out...