Here are some alternative meanings for common words:
1. Coffee (n) the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj) impotent.
6. Negligent (adj) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v) to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n) olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n) a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n) a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Circumvent (n) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.